Relaunch Your Life: Break the Cycle of Self Defeat, Destroy Negative Emotions and Reclaim Your Personal Power

The struggle with change

If you've ever tried to change a habit or behavior, like most people, you probably failed a few times before you succeeded. Change takes time, consistent effort, patience, and ongoing support from others.

Standing between you and the life you want are a series of barriers set up to set you back and ultimately cause you to fail. These are damaging obstacles we have created and a system of negative patterns we have put into practice to deal with stress, fear, vulnerability, and loneliness.

These barriers to freedom are difficult to recognize because we have been practicing many of them for a long time. They feel ingrained, almost a part of us. When we try to stop negative behavior - actions that damage our reputation or thoughts that destroy our positive well-being - we naturally encounter strong resistance.

We want to break through this resistance and confront the negative feelings and self-defeating mindsets that wreak havoc in our lives. Many of these feelings feel so natural that we are unaware of them. Recognizing these barriers is the first step in eliminating them and taking away their power.

Nothing has power over you unless you give it permission. Are you giving your character flaws permission to ruin your life? Your answer may be no, but when we look deeply into the truth of our current situations and the patterns that keep us there, we see the daily choices we make, almost unconsciously and out of repetitive habit, that keep us spinning in a negative cycle.

These barriers allow us to avoid taking responsibility for the situations in our own lives. We practice avoidance tactics, shift blame, complain about our problems instead of solving them, and accept the false belief that we're no good.

The barriers that hold you back

Here is a list of six obstacles that may be holding you back. We will discuss these throughout the book, but for now, take notes and think about the barriers that apply to your life.

Barrier 1: You are blaming someone [or something] for your loss in life while holding on to resentment.

Blame is a major obstacle that prevents you from growing and blinds you to the reality of the situation. Blame creates negative energy that focuses on anger while building resentment. While we feel entitled to hold our grudges and accuse others of mistreating, abusing, or disappointing us, we fuel the pain by holding on.

You'll never be free as long as you blame someone else for your setbacks.

There have been times in your life when others have hurt you. As a child, you may have been criticized or devalued, and now, years or decades later, you are still recreating those hurtful feelings. We blame our parents, friends who rejected us, or people we trusted who betrayed that trust.

When we blame people for the negative things in our lives, we cannot take responsibility for them. You throw out a lot of negative vibrations when you carry resentment around expecting an apology.

Bitter complaining, playing the victim, or wishing that the people who rejected you and created these feelings of shame would somehow show up and apologize for their behavior is unrealistic. You may never get the recognition, apology, or show of appreciation you are expecting.

We have to take control of this obstacle by taking responsibility - not for what happened, but for what we're doing about it now. It takes a strong will to realize that when we hold on to the past, we bring it forward into the future.

Action Task

Write down the name of a person you are currently resenting. Then write down three reasons why you resent that person. What benefits do you gain by holding on to your resentment? Do you think anyone in your life holds a grudge against you? If so, why?